Search Results
Jo Beckwith
October, 2019
Today I woke up and typed into a search bar
"Can you die from anxiety?"
As in,
Can my ribs actually break
Shatter
Under the weight of it?
Can they splinter inside me and skewer my internal organs?
It seems impossible that it is so quiet around me when
Every vessel in me is screaming
When I’m gasping for air and yet somehow still breathing
I lay here in a silent room
Surrounded by safety
But my body is prepared for war
Adrenaline pumping
Heart racing
Bracing for the tiger attack I know is coming
Time is moving so fast
Flying by me
As I sit here immobile
Unable to contribute
Unable to do what I need to
Because I’m too busy preparing for a war I know isn’t coming
But my body is ready
It's always ready
I am simultaneously breathing
I am
I'm breathing
But my lungs are working too hard
In rooms that never have enough oxygen
The moment I awaken I feel the panic set in
Like my body knows before I do
That I can’t handle it
Every cell vibrates, it shakes
It never stops moving
I know I'm not well
This can’t be healthy
But the search results on my screen
Assure me it can’t kill me